I have participated in this game of love many times in my young life. I have lived to tell my friends about it, laughed about it and thought about its unending joys. Oh! Love is the sweetest thing one can experience. It can also be the most bitter pill anyone can take. You see, it starts well with the usual smiling phase. You think and think of that new person in your life, you smile and smile at the thought of that person. You swear to the world that s/he is the one. No one can stop you. Your heart does beautiful beats to the tune of love, your tummy suddenly harbors butterflies at the site of the source. It is a beautiful beginning. Its the first taste of Baileys....sweet and subtle. You are yet to swallow.
Like most people, I have won in that game. It may be a short term celebration but a win nonetheless. If you have never felt what it feels like to be loved back, you should pray you experience it before you expire. It sends you to the mountain top and back, takes you to the ocean and gives you a smooth sail back to shore, all these things happen at once. You are unstoppable, people have to give way lest you flatten them with your cart overfilled with love. You want to give your all, you actually give your all. Even your body glows with this emotion. This feeling, is one of the best in the world. It even makes one do crazy things, it is so bright a light that it renders you blind, even if for a short while. Once love comes your way, most things might fade away.
On the other hand, I have often terribly failed in that game. The face down crowd thirsting after your blood kind of loss. I have had thorns left in places of roses, I have had to swallow my Baileys faster than ever imagined. The aftertaste kills my tongue. Many at times it's nature taking course, other times my very own doing or the aspect of being broken by the one you loved, literally. You almost feel your left atrium separating from your right atrium....you surely feel the bleeding into your chest cavity and you literally cannot breathe. You are suffocating in pain, and you just want it to end. I think how someone survives such damage is still questionable but thank God its proven not to kill, at least not directly.
Then comes this phase called moving on. It is the longest phase on earth. You are stuck between anger and sadness. A simple thing as watching a couple hold hands will send you into tears or rage. You are often told, ''the only way to get over someone is get under someone''.....Well I don't know whether that literally works but my version of it is spending time in company of other cheerful people. You will need friends like never before and a break from those places familiar to your memories.You may come out fine on the other end, the thorns will still be insitu, but the scars will eventually heal and thus have no 'feeling' power. Thorns will prick as you walk, talk or slip into memories session, but it will not hurt, not like before anyway.
If you are not lucky, you might walk around with a broken heart, never completely healed. You, my dear friend, need God to intervene. You need to decide if you are moving on completely, going to join a support group or relapse and start all over again. My bet is if you actually work on it, you can eventually look at nature differently and start the whole love thing again. No matter how many times I have hurt over love, I will not love with fear. I will love foolishly, with all my heart and strength. I just don't know if this time it will be the real one,but I will keep trying with my all. Well, I hope I don't drop of exhaustion one day.
nice!
ReplyDelete