THAT ILLUSION

You always smile at the thought of someone thinking about you, someone admitting to missing you, someone taking you to nice little dates.Love is perfect, at first mostly. You have that new energy, you have those sparks that can start a fire in a closed room. You get lost in each others eyes, your tummy has butterflies every time he smiles at you. You feel alive, you feel glorious, awesome does not even begin to explain it. Even the frowning faces have a smile, you can tell they are different-good different.

Those little things he does for you, the texts, the flowers, the chocolates, making dinner once in while. They make a foundation for your love even stronger, they make you believe every thing they say concerning you.You are blessed, never been happier, never felt more thankful for your prince. You are convinced yours will last  lifetime. You do not get why Sarah and Jake never made it! Love is a great feeling, who would give up such!

You are into the second year of commitment, still feels as though it were yesterday. The great feeling is still much alive. There is just a slight difference, the little acts have reduced. It is the work, it is weighing down on him. He has such much stuff to attend to you feel sorry for him. You do not want to add to his stress, you make sure the dinner is ready, the house is neat, you are just perfect and ready for him. You start to put his needs ahead of yours, isn't that what love is all about? He promises he will be back to normal, as soon as he finishes his urgent office stuff.

By the third year, office work is still piling in. The only thing left in your fantasy world are the memories. Occasionally, out of guilt, he brings home flowers at 9pm, two hours late for dinner. You are watching news or a documentary, cold food on the stove. He comes in, has a guilty face, apologizes profusely and put his hands in his face. 'Oh what will I do? I should quit this job, I feel bad we don't spend more time together.' He is one step away from getting that promotion, you are a step away if not already playing second wife after work. Yeah, he put a ring on his work too. That guilty statement melts away your concerns, you want what is best for him.

By the time you open your eyes, the gap between you and him is so wide you actually feel as though you're living with a stranger. If he has no time for you, he simply is not that interested. He is taking you for granted. He is cheating on you with someone/something else. When you were courting, he could move mountains for you, his schedule was manageable, seeing your face at the end of the day was a strong motivating factor. He never forgot the flowers, or the chocolate. 

You look at the mirror, has your face changed? No. Has your skin fallen off? No. Have you grown fat? No. Are you pregnant? You don't think so.

You remember Sarah and Jake, you remember them so well. You vow you will not end up as they did. You will work for your vows. You kill yourself doing little nice things for him. You ensure breakfast is ready at 5am, even though you are totally wiped. You do this and that as advised by your girlfriends and those magazines. You go out of your way, but results are slow. Promises are still broken, 'apologies' keep streaming in.

Finally, you feel as though you're throwing yourself on the horse's path, to get trotted upon. You are exhausted, you are worn out. You need a new hobby, you get a job. You stop waiting up, you do not bother with the breakfast. By the time you have time for yourself, you are angry. Angry at yourself for allowing you to be walked upon. Angry at him for changing.

But you both changed, you stopped expecting happiness, you stopped demanding for your needs, you put your happiness aside, for a man.How sad....

A DAUGHTER, THAT BEAUTIFUL PEARL

She comes into this world fighting, it is always in the female species to fight; for survival. She brings with her a mixture of emotions, especially the urge to protect. When the parents hold her, it is evident she is loved, she makes your heart melt. With her first cry, her first laughter, her first silent facial emotion, you want in on her thoughts and feelings. You want to hold her so close and kiss her pretty little innocent face over and over. She is just perfect, a little of her mother, a little of her father. 

She grows into a curious little thing, over here, over there. Like a normal baby, she wants to experience life at once, patience is not on her to do list. She puts anything she can in her mouth, nose and even ears. She will squeal when at the doctor's cubicle as the bead is removed from her ear. As a parent, you will feel for her, want to take her place, but you can't. You have to watch her suffer, as you blame yourself for being a 'bad parent' for not paying close attention. Sometime she will choke on a coin, or something she picked, yet you cannot remember how she got to it. You will cry as you hold her after that scary episode. You think you are wiped out.

She grows into a beautiful thing, always curious about the world. 'Mommy, why do you do this and that?' 'Daddy, where were you? Did you see this and that?' She will exhaust you with questions that at times you have no real answers to. She will make you think and think of the 'right' answer. If you lie, she will catch the truth, eventually. 'But I thought you said....' Their memories are weirdly accurate, because they believe every little thing you tell them, at least at their current age. They will not hide emotions from you, they will not pretend. Every day you see a little of you in them. Other days, you see all of yourself in them! Such a beautiful mirror. 

She gets to that age where she puts on her mother's make up and play dress up with her besties, the dolls. She nurtures them exactly how she is being nurtured. She is a little lady in her little dress. She might opt to be a tom boy, playing with the neighborhood boys over girls, following her dad to his workshop and 'helping' him around. She is a girl beneath those overalls, those dungarees. She is a girl alright, despite her coming home covered in mud, happy to have 'helped' the boys repair a broken bicycle. She surprises you by asking for a bike, and she does not even need lessons on how to ride it. Thomas, your neighbor's son already taught her. She rides it to school, with the boys.

She is suddenly shy, suddenly as in you think it happened overnight. But you missed the first episode of her shyness. You cannot remember how it begun, how it happened. You are loosing the little angel. She is gaining the worldly wisdom, and she is no longer naive. You do not want to let go, you cannot let go. You have not had enough time with her! Only yesterday she ran to you with all the details of her life. Now you have to really pray she tells you a quarter of her life stories. You try to create an environment of trust,not that it was broken, but it is not you. She needs to figure herself out, she needs to get through by herself. You have to let go, keep your 'distance'. She will come around.

She will push your 'over-protectiveness' button to a new height. The boys know she is a gem, and boys are just boys. As a father, you remember when you were her age, when you went after girls for fun or 'love'. You get that chill down your spine, that is your own flesh and blood. Woe unto the boy who touches or hurts her. As a mother, you remember your teen life, how you got your heart severely wounded, how boys feigned love, how your mother warned you about this or that boy. Your heart aches at the thought of your little girl getting wounded, you are a bear. No one touches their cub, unless they got a death wish. She is still your little girl, no matter how old she gets.

She will get hurt, she will get bruised, she will make poor judgement calls, she will deviate from the good teachings and she might break your heart. But you will still love, protect and comfort her. You will always be her shoulder to cry on, despite the urge to utter 'I told you so'. You will threaten to beat up the boy who broke her heart, you will will stop her from seeing an unsuitable boy. She might hate you, oh she will definitely hate you. But you are her parents. She will keep learning, everyday, about life. She will only get to understand you as a parent when she gets her own family.

She is walking down the aisle, dressed in white like a princess. It is her wedding day,she is now a big girl, she has grown so fast. She hold your hands tight as though afraid to let go. She is finally leaving the nest, she will no longer have her parents everyday to herself. She has to let go, you have taught her well, she is ready. She is crying, as parents you smile reassuringly. As you hand her over to your son in law, you warn him not to hurt her or else....then you smile and in a friendly tone say 'Take care of our precious jewel'. He understands you completely. She finally lets go, hugs you and turns her back on you. She is gone, your beautiful pearl is gone.