I stepped into a church yesterday for the first time in like forever. It was an awkward feeling going into the presence of God, His sanctuary that I had not visited for such a long time. Actually, let me go back to the beginning.
At around 8:40am, I stirred from my sleep, looked at my phone and started planning my day. It was something to do with church but there was not an ounce of enthusiasm to it. Rather, it was a guilt trip, I started feeling bad that despite ignoring God's sanctuary in like forever, I was still alive, healthy, had a complete family, had clothing and shelter...my most basic things. I had actually seen the new year, something I definitely did not deserve. I remembered those 'more deserving' people who had horrible things happen to them, those languishing in hospitals and other places. Those lacking the most basic of all things, those in very very unfair situations. I did not feel more important, I felt defeated by His Grace because that was what it was, pure grace...It is promiscuous, I am living proof..It did follow me despite my shortcomings, despite me not seeking Him.
As I lay in my bed still thinking about many things, I heard this 'noise' that was coming from a block away. It was very loud and I started to mumble, I said to me, "Do these noise regulation rules not work anymore?" I was frustrated and pissed. Then I listened again, and behold the 'noise' was such a beautiful melody coming from a nearby church. The music was that of worship, it was awesome in a refreshing manner. I felt ashamed because I was quick to condemn the 'noise' yet I was not bothered by the restaurant across my place that was outrageously loud at night. In fact, I had learnt to sleep right through the music with no much complaints. I felt ashamed to say the least.
Anywho, I got out of bed and prepared myself for a session with God. It was time to face Him.I did not plan on hiding my head in a shell like a turtle, that's where the devil wanted me. He used that guilt and I fell for it. I am one of the most judgmental people you can possibly find. I judge myself and even condemn me at times. I judged the Christianity in people, I judged the pastors and leaders of the church. I have seen enough examples of people using the gospel to exploit unsuspecting victims (if I may call them that-excuse me...1st John 4:1-6(NIV) Dear friends, do not believe every spirit,but test the spirits to see whether they are from God,because many false prophets have gone out into the world......it goes on to elaborate how to discern).Again I am judging so help me God, I know I am instructed not to judge lest I be judged..Matthew 7:1-3," Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you....."
I left my house and cautiously walked into the church, I was sure I would bolt at the first sign of 'unchrist like' activities. I think they exist, they are not uncommon and unfortunately most Christians get tangled into the vicious web, knowingly or otherwise, I don't know. So, I enter, I am warmly greeted by a friendly usher and shown where to seat. I walk up to my seat, its intercessory time and people are praying,some kneeling some standing. They are in deep talks with God, I feel lost for moment. I take my seat and decide to talk to God. At this point, I still have my fears if not reservations. I am cautious if not paranoid, but as time goes I start to settle in. These people seem sincere with God and that encourages me, I start to settle in. At some point, the leader of the prayers asks the church to repent of the sin of hatred. It does make sense, it does make lots of sense. He asked us to pray for love in our midst.
1st Corinthians 13:4-8(NIV), "Love is patient,love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails......."
1st John 4:20(NIV) 'If anyone says, "I love God," yet he hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.'
All the above make sense, and are true. I harbored dislike for some people, I needed to let go. It is not easy, but it was a step. I felt selfish; unforgiving me wanted forgiving Jesus to forgive me. Ironical huh? I said the Lord's prayer often enough, the phrase '....And forgive us our trespasses, as WE FORGIVE those who trespass against us....'was part of what I uttered. Hmmmmm, lying even in my prayers? I had so much to clear with my maker.
I am not alone in this, most people harbor hatred for at least one person, grudges are all over in the air. Silent or loud, they are there.
Fortunately for the human race, us, there is redemption, grace and mercy. For no one is perfect. Romans 3:10(NIV),'As it is written, There is no-one righteous, not even one.'
That does encourage me, but we have to strive to be Christ-like. He set a high standard, we have to make an effort to be like Him.
The service, to say the least was awesome. I felt comfortable, I felt welcomed in my makers presence despite my shortcomings, despite not going into His house for more than I can remember, He was willing to welcome His lost sheep. He did not judge me, He encouraged me to be more like Him. There was this air of pure happiness, peace and joy that I had been missing for ages. I was spiritually starved, undernourished and the sad thing about it, I had no idea all along.Psalms 16:11(NIV) '......you feel me with joy in your presence....' I left the sanctuary better than I went in. I left that place confident as opposed to how I had gone in.
Bottom line is, you have a good functional body(and as a medic that's not to be taken for granted), you have the basic needs fulfilled and extra others. You have a job(something we take for granted at times), you are safe and so on. It is not automatic your life to be okay, it takes a divine power to ensure that. The grace God gives is unbelievably awesome. If you are in my former shoes, just make a revisit your relationship with God, you need Him, He needs you to need Him, but He can do without us. We on the other hand are nothing without Him. Deuteronomy 4:29(NIV), 'But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.' Be grateful to God for every little detail in your life,and always put Him first. He is a jealous God... Exodus 20:5.
No comments:
Post a Comment