DIARY OF A GRATEFUL CAT

Have you ever seen a naked starving cat? Have you ever been mistaken for something or someone else? Have you ever been on death row? Well I have been through all these things but came out stronger than ever, alive, not a ghost version of what I could have been.

Call me cat, I do not have a name yet, my owners are too busy with other domestic animals to give me a name. I wish to be called 'Survivor', because that is what I am.
I was found near dead by my current owner whom I will not mention because I don't want other species reading this to get the address, we are saturated at the compound as it is. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have others like me rescued but the survival rate, well lets just say, it will go down.
So, back to being found near dead. I looked like a rat, at least that's what one of my current owner said. I was astonished, 'ME! A RAT?' But I was dying, and details leading to my current state were vague. I was starving, my fur had fallen off and the cold, heat and fleas were having their moment. I know humans hate rats, but I was still shocked to know what they planned to do with me, kill me. Poor dirty starving me.What a way to go to the afterlife, naked, dirty and starving. Oh, and the look on the humans' faces, pure disgust at my sight.

I do not know what changed their minds, but I was alive two days later, at their homestead. I think they figured out I was not a rat. Anyways, I slowly made progress with my health. My fur started to grow back, my bony structure gained some body and muscles, my legs felt stronger. I knew recovery was a long way, but at least I was en route. I fed better than I had before, my amnesia started clearing(I hoped it wouldn't-just too painful).
I remembered my former home, my owner was cruel and abusive. Kicks in the back were not uncommon, no food for me, if I got lucky I would get some ugali. Yes, me a carnivore feeding on ground maize stirred in hot water. Rats were hard to come by, even they were fed up with the owner's mean spirit. No food scrapes lying anywhere, no access to the main house, or the food store. They packed and left. I had no one to play hide and seek with, neither did I have any meals, even the rats themselves.

The last blow came when I made a discovery at my mean owner's house. I smelt the aroma miles away, sneaked into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of meat lying on the table. I should have ran off, gotten a quiet private place and munched to my fill. I guess I was too hungry, I sat there and started feasting. It was so delicious that I forgot it was totally illegal. I did not see the blow coming, followed by a scream from my owner's wife. Daang! She kicked worse than her husband. I wanted to stay and fight but I was so afraid. I attempted to ran through the kitchen window but something was wrong with my hind legs. I think she broke them. I crawled with so much pain a midst more blows raining all over me. I was severely wounded and hurt. That woman would have killed me if I had stayed longer.

Off I crawled, painfully, hungry and angry. Rats lived better than me. I traveled for days until I lost consciousness at my current owner's farm. I must have stayed there for some time before they found me because my limbs were less painful.

Long story short, I survived this whole ordeal and now live happily with my new owners. See this little girl here? Well that's me, after my survival thing. I look happy and healthy right? I am. I have friends around here, some friendly others weird, but still friends. I would never want to go back to my former owner ever!!  And NO! you do not want to see what I looked like before this, it scares me, it would kill you. Thank you owner for rescuing me.

Me and my best friend playing.

I WISH...

I wish I would just get a life so much less complex, so much less stressful. If only wishes were horses! I wish the world-train would stop for a moment to let me catch my breath, even get off the train for a stroll of my own. I wouldn't mind, am sure, if the world train were to start again and pass me by, I am sure after travelling for some time, it would stop for the next 'me' to get off, by then I would have made a decision whether to get back in or stay out.

I wish I had the luxury of wasting time and not having severe repercussions, I wish my pockets were overflowing with gold and diamonds to last me a lifetime, so that I would sit back, relax and never have an ounce of worry in my system. If only this would buy me eternity and immortality would I obsess, if only this would ensure a perfect life for me. Only then would I really really wish and work for all the riches this world can offer.

I wish I had a better system of governance to rule over me, I wish there was complete fairness and transparency in the way things are conducted. I wish corruption would turn into a plague and wipe out whoever attempts to catch it. Oh! I wish the unjust, unkind, killers and back stabbers would burn under the scorching sun, if only I was perfect would I really really pray for damnation to all 'evildoers'.

I wish the world would learn the art of love, I wish it would be perfected. I wish the many verbal declarations of love to others would be true. Then, we would have no wars, no murders, no prejudice, no tears of betrayal and anger... We would have a peaceful world, no street families, no refugees, no prisons and certainly Hell would be empty.....I wish I would have a polite conversation with a stranger without raising suspicion and alarm, especially in major cities. If only me would perfect the art of love and kindness, then would I initiate the wheel of change, and urge others to join without batting an eye.

I wish I did not have to wish. Many a times my wish-grants are elusive, so wishing is a recipe for disappointment. But I will wish anyway. I will wish and hope for the best despite many troubles, I will wish for strength to go through what cannot be helped. I will wish for a better world and a better people. I will wish for that, so that me, you and them can co-exist better with mother nature, instead of punishing each other now and then. And certainly so that we can relate better with our maker. I wish.....

THE MIDWIFE IN ME- first delivery

That day, I woke up expectant and determined.  I would get to perform my very own first 'normal' delivery, with close supervision and back up. I was a mixture of excitement, nervousness and on the edge. I took my breakfast and headed for the Maternity wing. Thankfully, it was not very busy nor was it as calm. Busy meant so much activities that you hardly do one composed thing without another interrupting you. Fairly busy meant a steady flow of work, with breaks to let you take a breather.

After the handing over report, I headed for the labor suite. It was a good morning, there were several mothers in labor and we were fewer students comparatively. I greeted them and got to run through their files. I knew their stories alright. I picked an easier candidate, 'easier' in the fact that she had delivered before, if you are knowledgeable in midwifery you know why it is easier. Call me a student who takes the easier path, I wanted a smooth first time....After all they taught us that the learning concept should start with the simple details headed towards the difficult ones.

I approached this lady(I choose to call her Nelly)whom I had chosen, identified myself and requested to take care of her till she delivered. I was still under a qualified midwife, but I had settled in. It was not like the first day really. She smiled at me and asked me to rub her back while she went through a contraction. "Of course." I said giving her my best back rub. "You a student?" She wanted to know. I confirmed what my identification tag read and what I had earlier told her. She smiled at me as though reassuring me. "How many babies have you helped deliver..." She said it as though it was more of a statement rather than a question. I pondered on the answer. Was this a trick question?

"I have witnessed several deliveries, I have assisted in a few, but I have never primarily conducted one." I answered truthfully. She wanted to say something but another strong contraction hit her. I rubbed her back and hoped for the best. "I am a nurse myself." I basically did not hear anything else she said after the bomb she just dropped. We, medics are officially known as the worst patients,not that she was one, but it served that purpose. Her file read otherwise, Nelly said she was also into business. I momentarily freaked, I wanted out. "You will do just fine. We can help each other you know.." She said smiling. I was shocked, but hid it well. She was the nicest medic-client I had come across in a long time. Most women have reservations about a student tending to them, understandably so.

Nelly progressed well, she was brave and knew the do's and don't's of labor. She was actually teaching me some stuff by just watching and listening to her. She knew before I did an examination on her that she was ready to deliver. "I have an urge to bear down" More like, I wanna go poop. Upon examination, she had sure reached full dilatation. Off to the delivery suite, my teacher never leaving me.

I scrubbed and gowned, cleaned and draped Nelly. So far so good because my teacher just stood inches away supervising my every move. For some reason, I was not so nervous. Nelly was comfortable to be around. I gave Nelly the obvious advice(not that she needed it), "with each contraction, push your baby out. Without one, take your rest." Daang! I sounded like a midwife! She nodded her head. "You will do just fine, I can see the baby's hair." I encouraged her. She smiled at the thought of holding her baby. A contraction hit her, my teacher and I encouraged her to push the baby out. She gave her best push and the head was delivered. I quickly checked for any cord around the baby's neck. Finding none and with restitution having taken place, I gently held the head and delivered the upper body with a downward movement,then upward movement freed the lower body. I heard my teacher announce the time of delivery as I placed the baby on the mother's abdomen. It gasped and gave a loud wail of protest. I smiled as I clamped and cut the cord. They were now separated, mother and child, after months of being together. It was a girl, a beautiful little thing that made my heart melt.

 I finished the after birth activities with much caution though confident.

In her mother's arms, the baby calmed and almost immediately started surveying her environment. Her little eyes would momentarily focus on some object as though she could already figure it out. Taken from her mother's arms, she squealed as she was wiped dry and kept warm. She had a perfect weight and a quick examination later revealed no obvious anomalies. She was already making suckling sounds which was adorable. I wished she was mine as I held her for the second time, she looked at me and I felt  a warm feeling take control of my body. Nelly was so grateful for my help and I was happy she and her young one were fine. Baby Nelly was placed on her mother's breast and she started suckling like a pro. "No, thank you Nelly for an opportunity to help me grow in my career."

I was elated to say the least, happy and grateful that all was well. I was on the right learning path. Not all moments go fine, you learn that when a tragedy hits you right in your face. Watch out for my next blog to learn more on my day gone complex.

THAT NAKED TRUTH

I stepped into a church yesterday for the first time in like forever. It was an awkward feeling going into the presence of God, His sanctuary that I had not visited for such a long time. Actually, let me go back to the beginning.
At around 8:40am, I stirred from my sleep, looked at my phone and started planning my day. It was something to do with church but there was not an ounce of enthusiasm to it. Rather, it was a guilt trip, I started feeling bad that despite ignoring God's sanctuary in like forever, I was still alive, healthy, had a complete family, had clothing and shelter...my most basic things. I had actually seen the new year, something I definitely did not deserve. I remembered those 'more deserving' people who had horrible things happen to them, those languishing in hospitals and other places. Those lacking the most basic of all things, those in very very unfair situations. I did not feel more important, I felt defeated by His Grace because that was what it was, pure grace...It is promiscuous, I am living proof..It did follow me despite my shortcomings, despite me not seeking Him.

As I lay in my bed still thinking about many things, I heard this 'noise' that was coming from a block away. It was very loud and I started to mumble, I said to me, "Do these noise regulation rules not work anymore?" I was frustrated and pissed. Then I listened again, and behold the 'noise' was such a beautiful melody coming from a nearby church. The music was that of worship, it was awesome in a refreshing manner. I felt ashamed because I was quick to condemn the 'noise' yet I was not bothered by the restaurant across my place that was outrageously loud at night. In fact, I had learnt to sleep right through the music with no much complaints. I felt ashamed to say the least.

Anywho, I got out of bed and prepared myself for a session with God. It was time to face Him.I did not plan on hiding my head in a shell like a turtle, that's where the devil wanted me. He used that guilt and I fell for it. I am one of the most judgmental people you can possibly find. I judge myself and even condemn me at times. I judged the Christianity in people, I judged the pastors and leaders of the church. I have seen enough examples of people using the gospel to exploit unsuspecting victims (if I may call them that-excuse me...1st John 4:1-6(NIV) Dear friends, do not believe every spirit,but test the spirits to see whether they are from God,because many false prophets have gone out into the world......it goes on to elaborate how to discern).Again I am judging so help me God, I know I am instructed not to judge lest I be judged..Matthew 7:1-3," Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you....."


I left my house and cautiously walked into the church, I was sure I would bolt at the first sign of 'unchrist like' activities. I think they exist, they are not uncommon and unfortunately most Christians get tangled into the vicious web, knowingly or otherwise, I don't know. So, I enter, I am warmly greeted by a friendly usher and shown where to seat. I walk up to my seat, its intercessory time and people are praying,some kneeling some standing. They are in deep talks with God, I feel lost for  moment. I take my seat and decide to talk to God. At this point, I still have my fears if not reservations. I am cautious if not paranoid, but as time goes I start to settle in. These people seem sincere with God and that encourages me, I start to settle in. At some point, the leader of the prayers asks the church to repent of the sin of hatred. It does make sense, it does make lots of sense. He asked us to pray for love in our midst.

1st Corinthians 13:4-8(NIV), "Love is patient,love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails......."
1st John 4:20(NIV) 'If anyone says, "I love God," yet he hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.'

All the above make sense, and are true. I harbored dislike for some people, I needed to let go. It is not easy, but it was a step. I felt selfish; unforgiving me wanted forgiving Jesus to forgive me. Ironical huh? I said the Lord's prayer often enough, the phrase '....And forgive us our trespasses, as WE FORGIVE those who trespass against us....'was part of what I uttered. Hmmmmm, lying even in my prayers? I had so much to clear with my maker.
I am not alone in this, most people harbor hatred for at least one person, grudges are all over in the air. Silent or loud, they are there.
Fortunately for the human race, us, there is redemption, grace and mercy. For no one is perfect. Romans 3:10(NIV),'As it is written, There is no-one righteous, not even one.'
That does encourage me, but we have to strive to be Christ-like. He set a high standard, we have to make an effort to be like Him.


The service, to say the least was awesome. I felt comfortable, I felt welcomed in my makers presence despite my shortcomings, despite not going into His house for more than I can remember, He was willing to welcome His lost sheep. He did not judge me, He encouraged me to be more like Him. There was this air of pure happiness, peace and joy that I had been missing for ages. I was spiritually starved, undernourished and the sad thing about it, I had no idea all along.Psalms 16:11(NIV) '......you feel me with joy in your presence....' I left the sanctuary better than I went in. I left that place confident as opposed to how I had gone in.

Bottom line is, you have a good functional body(and as a medic that's not to be taken for granted), you have the basic needs fulfilled and extra others. You have a job(something we take for granted at times), you are safe and so on. It is not automatic your life to be okay, it takes a divine power to ensure that. The grace God gives is unbelievably awesome. If you are in my former shoes, just make a revisit your relationship with God, you need Him, He needs you to need Him, but He can do without us. We on the other hand are nothing without Him.  Deuteronomy 4:29(NIV), 'But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.' Be grateful to God for every little detail in your life,and always put Him first. He is a jealous God... Exodus 20:5.

THE MIDWIFE IN ME

When I first entered the doors of labor ward I was in awe. I had not experienced such  level of noise within hospital walls. I was a student then. Most signs we see in any hospital or clinic set up urge you to maintain silence. Remember that nurse in white with her index finger on her mouth indicating silence? Yeah, don't expect to find her in the labor and delivery suites. Noise here is inevitable, in fact its become some sort of melody albeit unorganized. The post natal ward is different in that the noise makers are the neonates, well, its a joy to hear them now and then protesting to whatever they think is wrong.

I do not remember in detail what transpired during my first clinical day as a student midwife,mostly because my mind was still trying to put all those book details they teach you to practice. I was a nervous wreck to say the least; books give you a certain kind of confidence that is tested in the practical aspect of the subject. One day whilst studying in class, I actually thought I was ready to help deliver a young one, it was just a matter of perfecting the maneuvers, right? Turns out you need massive practice to 'perfect' that art.

There were several mothers in active labor. Active as in their cervical dilatation was 4cm and above, the contractions were increasing in intensity and frequency. In short, the misery of being in pain was well  highlighted and I felt sorry for them. I was, as students should be, under the 'care' of my instructor and qualified midwife whom I followed around learning what I could on day one. She was of course pretty used to almost everything pertaining to labor and child birth. She had her own first day stories that made me somewhat at ease. She could tell her protegee was struggling to take it all in at once.

We were allocated lady A, a first time mother-to-be(Primgravida) who was more nervous than I probably was. Having heard several versions of how labor would be, she sat on her bed sweating expecting the worst pains ever. When an examination was done and she was informed her progress was just fine, she shot out, "When will it get worse?" Wrong question to another nervous person. My instructor was there to save the day, she did all she could to reassure her. Lady A seemed to relax for some few minutes. A scream from her neighbor made her get from her bed and walk about. "Will I scream like that?" She asked me. I honestly didn't know if she would scream like that so I just asked her to breathe deeply when a contraction hit her. I felt lame.

"How come she is not screaming?"  I asked my instructor. Of course I had learnt each person's pain perception is different but I could not believe a mother with such contractions would be calm, especially a primgravida. I want labor like that, I told myself. No screaming, no embarrassing me, no drama. I am yet to find out what my score on  that will be, if I get a chance to undergo labor. What I later discovered is that there is no shame in labor ward. A mother will rip out her clothes and beg for very cold water. Some say the heat is unbearable. Some even advice you as a young lady not be 'cheated' by these men. Others promise to never bear children again, only to find them back two or so years down the line very pregnant. In short, do not seriously take into account 'nasty' words uttered by a mother in labor, but listen anyway.

Back to lady A. She was lucky to have her husband by her side, rubbing her back whenever she was contracting, fanning her when the heat was much, encouraging her and such stuff. Men, it does help to support your woman through labor, but honestly not all of you are cut out for that. If you cannot stand the site of the whole labor thing, take a walk, lurk nearby lest you faint. I have seen some men faint in the delivery suite, later after an inquiry, you understand they got super-scared especially because of the site of blood....
 Two hours later, she was having strong contractions, the pain had kicked in full swing. The calm lady began her melodious wail, occasionally turning to her husband and offering a piece of her mind. Just like that, my role model was gone and in her place stood the person I hoped she would not turn into. During all the wails, no tears were produced. They say you feel the pain to the root of your hair, tears are hard to come by, but that is from some individuals. I was instantly fast forwarded to the future and I saw me wailing (louder than her) in labor. As a hopeful mother to be, I was discouraged.

Our mother reached fully dilation after hours and in to the delivery suite we went. Out came the baby along with stuff I am careful not to mention for the sake of my audience. The pain, you could see it in her eyes, was worth it. The beautiful thing that had caused so much grief gave her such joy that you could capture it. She was in tears, grateful to God, the midwives and she was all over again more in love with her husband. I tried so hard not to cry with her when she held her young one. No one can ever take away such a moment from you as a midwife. It is divine, it is one of the best feelings to watch a mother hold her young knowing they are all healthy and alive. They tell you the pain goes away immediately the baby is born and some cannot remember what it was like. As mother, dad and angel bonded, I felt a sense of pride. I had survived the first few hours of my day. I felt confident enough to face the remainder of my day in labor ward. I knew I had not made a mistake in pursuing a course in midwifery.

CARRY ON, NEVER GIVE UP.

Sitting in a corner watching the horizon, not really watching but in deep thoughts. So much to be done in a short span of time. Such little resources, if any. Worrying and over thinking does not help much, it only wastes time that would otherwise have been spent thinking of a way-forward plan. Giving up is not an option,neither is giving in to other plans, well at least not until all other plan A avenues are exhausted.

Life is fair and again not fair. It hands you opportunities at some point, and things just generally flow. At some point later, it denies you chances that make you wonder if it was meant to be or you at times doubt your abilities and hope for a great future. If you do not have the perseverance quality and fighting spirit in you, giving up is the easiest thing to do. During those moments, others' success and abilities are magnified in your sight, what you had earlier overlooked or simply not noted before about their success is heightened. You can choose to let that dampen your spirit or encourage you. The later is a more wise choice.

Most successful people have their story, listening to them gets you to understand that motivation, vision and planning are crucial. Resources will get you where you want if only you have the above three. Others, with minimal resources, hold on to hope and faith while never taking their eyes off the prize. Eventually, no matter how long it takes or how rough it gets, those few people make it to the promised land. Some of their stories will captivate you, make you reflect further on your life and so forth. Some of the stories seem far fetched, but the results do convince you otherwise.

 Most of us give in or up somewhere along the rough road, not realizing that a breakthrough was just a few steps away. An infant has to learn how to crawl, then learn how to walk. This does not come without a few falls and scratches. The kid will cry yes, it hurts, but I have never seen a child learning how to walk give in to the fear of falling and getting bruised. Their enthusiastic nature keeps them on their toes and eventually they can run!! If only we adults could tap into our infancy enthusiasm....
Choosing to look back and concentrating on the hardship you have experienced along the way should not be a way of caving in to the doubting Thomas in you. It should be a way of encouragement, if you have come thus far, then you no doubt can complete the journey ahead no matter how dark and twisted the tunnel is. If you can prove your fears wrong, the brave in you grows more. We all know we have both the negative and positive wolves in us. Feed courage and it will dominate your whole being, feed fear and disbelief and that too will dominate you and take you nowhere interesting.

At times, all of us face fear, loose hope and are discouraged at some point in our life. It is normal, it is very human of us. However, learning when to get out of our cocoon is what makes the difference between those who made it and those who almost made it. The world does not celebrate those who almost made it my friends, it celebrates those who did and made a difference in doing so. So, carry on despite the obstacles. Quit having a 'pity' party, if you must have it, don't take too long, all parties have an end. If you would rather extend the party, don't drag others who are enroute to success. In short, drag no one but yourself down the 'I almost made it' drain. If you have to,drag people along the success path, they will one day thank you for it, at least those who make it.


The pace, if you ask me, does not really matter. As one wise good friend of mine said, "It is not a competition to see who gets material possession first and fast, but it is important to live your life on your own terms and not society terms." I think the point put across was important. Move at your own pace, live on your own terms, succeed because you need to reach self actualization not because you need to prove a point, as much as that soothes your ego. Do not compare your path with other people's paths, walk your own and achieve your own goals your own way.


Honestly, its easier said than done and as I write this, I wonder if I will live up to my own advice. But then I know I have no choice, I must cultivate courage and a belief in my ability (through my maker). Otherwise the fear wolf will dominate. So see you my friends on the other side, the 'I made it' side because that's where I am headed. :-)