THEY REALLY ARE FRIENDS...

She smiles as they compliment her, laugh as they crack a joke she does not understand. She could care less anyway, she is happy being with her friends.

 She steps away, laughter follows her back. She is happy her friends are having so much fun. She steps out of the house to meet her boyfriend. All eyes at her retreating back, waiting and watching. "I hear he owns a Merc" One of them jeers. A few snorts of disbelief and then silence. More stares. All huddled at the window, eyes straining to see her prince charming. They quickly retreat to the living room as they await the prince.

Seconds later, the naive girl emerges. She is in the arms of a handsome man beaming as she introduces him to her friends. "Hi!!" They all respond happy to meet him. He is quite a catch, they all agree. The clothes are not bad either, another whispers and they all smile. All is lost to the girl,she is just happy her friends like her boyfriend.

 

The prince charming has to leave. Disappointed faces inquire, "Where to?You just got here." He smiles that dashing smile of his and explains. She had forgotten some tiny detail, he was leaving for Australia, and was en route to the airport via her place. "She insisted I meet her friends, and so, here I am." They insist on tagging along to the airport, he declines politely and insists he will be fine in a taxi. He says his goodbye to them, a special one for her. A couple of jealous eyes stare.

"Yeah, honey, what is he going to Australia for?" One of them inquires. Just some business, she replies dismissing the topic. Lets plan our weekend, she suggests. "Good idea", they all genuinely agree.

Later that night.....

"Did you see her clothes?"

"Yeah! And those pitiful shoes?"

"What did he see in her?"

More snorts, jeers and genuine dislike for the naive girl, their friend's taste in dressing. 

"What was his name again, bet he could use someone of his class"

Murmurs of agreement rent the air, an idea is actually born out of that.

Two weeks later, he asks her out to dinner. "Be careful honey, with whom you entrust your secrets." He urges her. He knows the girls are not her genuine friends but he does not know how to say it without sounding malicious. He knows she is a bit naive to how the world works. Her innocent nature and genuine inner beauty is what attracted her to him in the first place.

"I am careful honey, you know I am wise" She replies.She is wise yes, but not the worldly wisdom. She grew up sheltered and thus not exposed to harsh realities. How else does he explain to her that one of her friends is coming onto him, very strongly for that matter. She revealed that she does not understand why he loved the silly girl. Being the gentleman he was, dismissed her as politely as he could.

The naive girl has her weaknesses, she does not hide them and readily shares with her friends. They empathize, sympathize and offer solutions. They even let her cry on their 'shoulders', she is happy they listen and care. Such wonderful friends.

Within days, her story was out in the open. Each of her friends issuing a vehement denial of being the source of the leak. She was devastated, stabbed and bleeding but willing to forget.

"Honey, there's something you need to know. Please don't be quick to judge my words" He could take it no more.

As gently as he could, he poured out what he had kept hidden for long. His love was not furious, far from that. She was calm, collected and cool. She smiled at him, thanked him for caring and insisted it was not true.

Later in deep thought, it dawned on her. She had many friends, but only a few were truly friends. She had her first worldly lesson and it made her smile that bitter sweet smile. She was growing alright and he had a hand in that. The 'friends' were indeed useful, they had taught her a valuable lesson.

After all, it is friends that we put our trust in, and they teach us the most lessons especially when our trust is betrayed. So worry not when your life is full of 'friends'. They make us wiser and help us grow.

BEYOND UNDERSTANDING

Jackie was happy to be home, not even the physical and emotional pain could take away that joyous moment. Her daughter looked happy to see her home after missing her presence for two weeks. 'I am surprised she has not forgotten my face', she said picking six months old Vicky from the arms of her father. "Welcome home honey", her husband Jim smiled at her bruised face. Jackie did not respond, instead, she quietly started playing with her daughter. The silent treatment had begun alright.

Two weeks ago, Jackie got admitted to a local hospital with a broken lip, the right eye was swollen shut, her left second rib was broken and her whole body covered in bruises. Basically, Morphine was her best friend then. She had the classical tell tale signs of an assault, but still she was intent on silence. She had developed, along with other medical conditions, selective amnesia. The cycle would eventually end anyway, on a bad note for that matter.She was not in the mood to rock her marital boat.

Jim was the cause of her visit and stay at the hospital. It was not the first time and every time she always hoped it would be her last. Just as her real friends had said, it did not stop. Jim had developed the habit of begging for her forgiveness, working hard to earn it. The results were Jackie getting a new something, expensive for that matter. A trip to some fancy place out of town or the country even.  Her colleagues were envious of her sleek Mercedes, they did not know the price.

But neither did Jackie, for had it been known to her what life would be two years later, she would have made a different choice. The silent treatment, the hopes and dreams of getting back the Jim she married did not solve her dilemma. In any case, they did make it worse for her health. Question is, did she marry the Jim she knew or did she marry the Jim she thought she knew? To those questions, answers would never be revealed, not to Jackie anyway.

Two years later, I am sited in the midst of a crowd listening to the priest preach about life and death. It is a mass alright, one filled with episodes of sobs and solemn silence. Vicky, now almost three years, sobs quietly. Perhaps reality has struck or maybe she is joining in the sobs without really comprehending a thing. Jim, the man Jackie married, seated next to their daughter staring blankly at the expensive casket. I don't know what he is thinking, or if his focus is on her portrait seated on the beautiful casket. She looks radiant in the photo, I think to myself, It must have been taken before she got married. A few sobs here and there, one person loudly blows their nose.

The eulogy is so beautiful I almost weep. Her promising life was cut short, it was sad. The "she has been ill for some time now" part gets my adrenaline rushing through my veins. I do not care to hide my anger. How dare he?(Jim). After all he had put her through? My eyes search through the crowd for another angry face, not a single one. I get even more angry. I take a trip down my mind to calm my erratic system.

I think of all the Jackies' out there, sticking around because of the 'kids',fear of being stigmatized, fear of letting down relatives and whatever other reasons that come up.
I am not judging simply because I have not been there and empathy here does not help either. But pray do tell, dear Jackies', what exactly is going on in your minds when you prefer status quo?

It does not have to be physical abuse, emotional abuse is equally toxic. Hold on, not only those two, a habitual cheat of a man(ahem!moving on swiftly) is a ticking time bomb. I am sure none of us ladies enjoy the thought of Venereal diseases, right? Yet when that cheat you love so much to death demands his conjugal rights you give in anyway, hoping he will change. The notion of you being responsible for the way your man is acting is bull crap to some aspect. I believe a man will treat you the way you let him, or show him.
Do not get me wrong here ladies, do not prove yourself by fighting back(physically), just take a walk if you can.....try your best dear ladies because there is a potential resigning-to-fate Jackie in all of us.

The beautiful eulogy is over, we are laying Jackie in the ground, back to dust where she came from. This time, I cry for Jackie, for Vicky and for every woman out there going through a toxic  relationship. I cry because she might not make it to the other side, I fear for her future. I silently vow to try my best to beat this Jackie in me, but I know I have to be a prayerful woman. For it is in God we take refuge.
When he who is supposed to protect has turned against his own rib, it begs the question, who will protect Jackie?

DEAR KENYANS...

We all hate the 'corruption' plague that seems to have engulfed our Government since time in memorial. There has been heartbreaking incidences of tyrannical rules, stupid decision making processes and even worse, the 'don't care' attitude/ stupid answers from the people involved(in defense to their acts).

Whenever something that hurts this country is performed by persons high in the government, we all rise up against that particular person and their act. We curse, rebuke and condemn their acts and demand for their neck on a platter. Later on, we develop selective amnesia and move on with our lives as though everything is perfect. Some Kenyans remain bitter but 'helpless' while the rest simply resign to the notion that corruption will never end.

Yes, corruption will actually never end in this beautiful country of ours; as long as you and I continue the corruption cycle, we will sing the same song our ancestors sang and pass on the lyrics to our coming generation. You think not? How about we think again, together.

The diversity of our culture is in reality killing us, not because it's meant to, but because we have let it define us. Some persons that hold positions in various work places make you wonder what criteria was used to appoint them into their current position. The 'I know someone' is a killer aspect in Nation building, people with real talent are kept off because they are not of the same tribe or they do not have 'same views' as the person on the high table. 

Bribery is an act performed by almost, if not all Kenyans. Its much easier to give that traffic cop 'kitu kidogo' to avoid a trip to the courtroom due to a faulty vehicle, overlapping and other dangerous traffic offenses. Mind you, such acts may cost other people's lives or even our own. 'Missing documents' in some government offices miraculously  appear fast after a motivating monetary factor to the individual in charge of their storage. You want your child to get into a great learning institution after missing an admission letter? There's always that backdoor called a token of goodwill. Who cares about the other deserving student? After all, it is a 'man-eats-man' society right?

Yet, here we are cursing the people in Government for doing exactly what we do best at the peripheral. The logs in our eyes preventing us to see the reality are quite a killer. We tend to judge more and think less about our own hypocrisy. As Jesus once said, 'let one without sin be the first to cast a stone'. Are we as Kenyans without sin to demand the Government to change? To demand resignation of corrupt leaders? Surely we can do better than them, right?

I am not saying there is a perfect soul on this earth, nor am I saying that all Kenyans are corrupt. I am saying we ought to be careful with what example we set for our coming generation. Show them corruption is a normal way of life and when they obtain leadership positions, they will not depart from those teachings. It might even be the unofficial National Anthem at some point in their lives. Some may argue that the magnitude and repercussions of Government corruption are far greater than that of an ordinary individual, well, I would say, call a spade a spade and not a big spoon.

 Next time you get an idea of blaming the government for corruption related side effects, take time to get that log out of your eye and change first. Then we will join you in the march against the corrupt in the Government. Until then, hush my dear people.

MIRROR MIRROR, I AM PERFECT, OR AM I....?

Yesterday I watched a grown man try my little patience whilst manifesting his own impatience. I happened to explain to him a standard procedure for something quite simple but instead of giving me time to work on it, he kept his face in my space. By the third appearance of his pretty face(yes he had one), I was still calm. I again asked him to give me time to work on it. At the fifth appearance of his now not so great face, I was sure he could tell that the smile carefully plastered on my face was nothing but fake and an attempt not to loose my sanity in the process of 'verbal diarrhea'. That smile and an additional look also called him lots of unpleasant names which I would like not to talk about, not on this forum anyways. Whether or not he got the unspoken, matters not.

During the situation with that gentleman, I was so sure I was on the right and could not comprehend why he couldn't see it. I thought he was the most annoying and immature person I had met at that hour. I may have been right but I did not need to dwell on that alone. I shouldn't have concentrated on making the man feel like a jerk, of what value did it add to me? Sure it felt great putting across a good point but did it help in reality? If he was going to feel bad about his little scene, it would have been better for him to recognize on his own, unless he is the'too proud-to-admit' type. That way, learning by recognition of his own issues would have given him a bigger chance of being more civil in future without feeling 'sore' about it. Well the opposite still works- teaching. By giving him that fake smile and killer look, I did give him a not so gentle push towards the 'you're a jerk' recognition fact. In as much as it taught, it made me feel a bit of guilt, pitied him and I also almost caught me a ride to 'you too are a jerk' island. I ought to have looked at this man past his physical barrier and see myself through him. In other words, he should have been my mirror. By that, I should have recalled myself behaving similarly so with others, i.e being a jerk and making their life less bearable, and making a correction on that. I now felt first hand what other parties felt when I put them in my shoes by often assuming this gentleman's shoes.

 Each of us has faced a mirror and depending on the reflection, get our spirits lifted or crushed. If we like what we see on the mirror, we get to smile and gain more confidence for the day or hour. We get to be content with ourselves and even try to best the better us as noted on the mirror. If we don't like what we see, we work towards making it appear much better. That, is an important role of your mirror, REFLECTION and REVELATION. The mirror doesn't necessarily have to be that typical tangible glass that hangs by the wall, it can be that annoying person that helps you learn the art of patience and kindness, that awful feeling telling you to be better before you loose important people in your life...etc. In short, anything that helps in revealing areas you need to improve on is a mirror. My 'gentleman mirror' should have taught me more patience, understanding and  so many other great virtues.


I myself have faced a lot of mirrors, some disseminating false information but most of them true to the core. Some mirrors may be as false as the message they carry across; it may be that they are faulty or broken. If your mirror gives you a reason to do something your gut feeling is not keen on, whoa! slow down. One of them is right, so use the grey and white matter we talked about earlier to make a decision. Your brain is very powerful, it will help you understand your innermost feelings if only you concentrate on them. Invoke your maker too. Don't be in a rush to respond to your mirrors unless you feel you are in danger. Analyse them first, let the reality sink and decide later, it's not an emergency dear. Mirrors may be misleading; you think you should work on getting back your friendship with someone because you feel it was a mistake to break ties? Your inner mirror may reveal to you that you're worse off initially, listen to this mirror later after giving yourself a break. Does your brain and gut feeling agree to its latter revelation? Was your relationship beneficial to both of you or was it a parasitic kind of relation? Questions are vital aspects of decision making based on a mirror revelation. The mirror hanging on the wall tells your skin is not as flawless as the one of so and so, you either get your brain to work by confirming (once again) you are beautiful the way you are (unless its a skin issue in which case you are still beautiful but need to visit your dermatologist) or you let the brain not do its job thus get to the most unhealthy ways of trying to look like 'that flawless face'. Bottom line is, ensure your mirror is not broken or faulty before you make your decision.


Mirrors are great and useful, but that doesn't mean they can't mislead. Choose what to do with your mirror, and while at it take your brain and gut feeling with you. We are emotional beings, and those emotions at times do cloud our judgement.


Have a great week

MY COMFORT ZONE,THE DEATH OF ME

I really do love being indoors doing all sort of indoor stuff. The most influential 'stuff' is my radio, my television set and a bunch of DVDs to watch. If I am not listening to my radio or watching a movie/football, am probably on the net wasting time and dreaming of other people's lives.Other times i may be on the net doing useful things like research and job chasing, but i got to admit that is rare. If it were six years ago, i would be flipping through pages of some novel only taking a well deserved break to visit the washroom,grab a snack or help out a neighbor at my door. Today, I can hardly get through a page without finding an excuse to label the book uninteresting, thus going back to my disastrous relationship with my television. Six years ago, I wouldn't have broken a sweat if some person told me to write an article about anything. As I sit here writing this, I have a headache and I am wondering if I still got it in me.

It is during such indoor moments that I actually got to make sense of my life in a more clear perspective. I'm not saying that I was not aware of the direction my life was taking, I pretty much had it; work my way up the career ladder honestly, more education to help me get there, at some point settle down and get a bunch of kids and continue my monotonous well planned life. Its comfortable not to rock your boat trust me, you would rather let it sail with the current. When the waters are calm, we take a 'well deserved rest' by letting the boat stagnate at that particular spot. That was my position and most people as well, but we all know its calm before a storm. Pretty soon, when the storm hits, the boat gets rocked left, right, center and finally thrown off balance. It would have to be a pretty lucky boat to get to the shore intact if it even makes it to the shore.

"You got to get yourself together, you got caught in the moment, and you can't get out of it, don't say that later will be better...." That's one of the songs of the Rock group 'U2'. Thanks to my radio I sing along to it every time its played but its meaning never really dawned on me until now. I really need to listen more and digest the contents even further.

Among the many mistakes I have made, being satisfied with my current position in life is the most damaging.
By this age I have acquired, I ought to have been far, well at least that's what I dreamed of when I was younger. I probably am putting much pressure on me to succeed like so and so but that is not my ultimate goal. My goal is to be out there doing something I love just for fun and for helping others, in as much as it might help me in the process. Whatever I prosper at first (I have many goals that need to be achieved), I would love for it to be an example to others who might be in my current shoes, if they don't help me first.

Most of us humans need a degree of catastrophe to serve as a wake up call in whatever sector we have been sleep walking in. Depending with the individual, the magnitude of that particular catastrophe pushes them to whichever direction they ought to have been on, but due to the "famous" comfort zone, never quite got there. The catastrophes may vary in form, shape and even in number! Surprised huh? Well it has taken me numerous catastrophes to get here, to write my first blog.

My first wake up call probably happened years ago - I am using the probability factor here because I am sure I cannot quite remember when exactly it was and how it presented itself. That's because I may have not been keen at all, I was very comfortable with my life then and thus the warning signs did not bother me. If they did at all bother me, then I must shrugged off the whole idea of them making an impact in my near future. The bottom line is that we all hear the wake up calls at some point in our life if not almost always from different sources but it is really hard to actually respond positively and actively to them.

At this moment, someone may be reading my blog and saying to themselves, "Soo yesterday, who doesn't know about this..." Then they will think they are not in that cadre of 'comfortable zones'. Well, some may not actually be in that category. I too have been there, and probably might relapse if I don't keep my focus.

Comfort zones are not a once-in-a-lifetime thing, neither are your goals. As long as you have goals or dreams no matter how big or small, there is a chance of you not getting there on targeted time or not getting there at all! Whatever encourages us to have the latter, that is a comfort zone. It may be argued that the money factor comes in, it definitely does affect your journey to your goals, but so does your determination to get there. Just because the money factor is a big aspect does not give you the right to use that as an excuse not to try and look for other ways to meet your goals. We all have the white and grey matter beneath our skulls and they tend to do magic when rightfully stimulated. That is a weapon we were all given by God and we need to make use of it.

I have often watched very successful people continue to work hard, 'kill' their bodies and rack their brains for their next goal to be achieved. When I was younger than I am now, I often imagined I would make all the money in the world, then sit back, relax and not have to work. If I was still that young, I would find them strange for working while they had it all. I am not saying that people should not enjoy the fruits of their labor, I am saying too much of anything is 'poisonous'. Imagine a rich person sitting back to enjoy his/her wealth, does he/she not need to supervise the management at some point? Need they not make plans on how they will need their wealth managed should they leave this world? Probably how much they will leave their children, how much goes to charity and so forth? In a way, that is a goal. If the goal is not fulfilled, repercussions will be there, like their kids killing each other for the money or relatives trying to take it away.

So the next time I am tempted to get 'comfortable' while I should be working towards a certain goal, I will remind myself that I am an addict and we all know the tale of addiction; you either recover completely, you keep relapsing but the will to stop keeps you in Rehab for most of your life or alternatively, you give up and the addiction kills you. Oh wait! There's a fourth option, stay addicted with no Rehab desire and dig your own grave. We have the ability to choose, and choose wisely at that.