Merry Christmas to all my fans! May the joy of the Lord be with you all and your loved ones. Be safe and remember it is Jesus' birthday, not yours. Take a chill pill and let 2016 meet the sane part of you. As many of you may know, Nairobi will still have the likes of us around to congest it. Those who can barely differentiate between holidays because it's all work and more work. Those whose pockets are dry hence cannot afford to travel(may God remember them). Those whose idea of Christmas is praying and preying on the fellow humans(God is seeing you).
Welcome to the city of Nairobi. It is both beautiful and ugly depending on which side you're looking from. It is both safe and unsafe, can give you a sense of belonging or bad memories. I would like to share about the con artists of this beautiful city(I am in the good part). Walking around this city, you need to be alert. Engage all your senses including the 6th one we all tend to ignore sometimes. Let paranoia be your perfume/cologne. Like a skunk gives off the nasty smell, give off that nasty look. Let your smile rest. Let your neighbor know that your mama on the other end of your phone is an omnipresent CID.
We have all heard of stories about how some person was conned , it probably has happened to some of you.
Meet that old woman almost your grandma's age whose back is so bent you feel sorry for her. She comes closer to you and picks a conversation. "Habari yako mtoto yangu" You can barely hear her. You are concerned. She asks for directions to a blue building(which according to her was destroyed years ago and cannot recall it's replacement). You recall your Bible teachings, respect for the elders. In the midst of trying to help her, your bag or whatever valuables you might be possessing vanish. The grandma's back is suddenly straightened by some magic, she runs faster than your grandmother. You got no clue what just went down. Your senses are somewhat asleep. By the time you come to, there is no one in sight.
There are those thugs that work with pure adrenaline. The fight/flight mode. These I find desperate and dangerous. They will grab your bag, or even calmly ask you to hand it over at gun/knife point. Never argue with such. Give them what they want and avoid eye contact.
You are in a mobile vehicle near a window and you're busy reading my blog. I don't blame you, it's engaging. Or you're buried in Facebook posting how ugly your neighbor looks. In a nick's time, your phone is missing. The shock on your face will amuse the conductor who will mutter some rude obscenity at your 'lack of brains'. Forgive him, he is tired of such scenes and does not understand how we humans 'never learn'.
Meet that young lady talking on the phone about innocent issues. As she massages her breasts to indicate she is a breastfeeding mum, she says,"mama mwambie aache kulia nakuja sasa hivi." and so on. You're so engrossed in her story, that eavesdropping mode we switch to might be the end of us. You don't realise she's edging closer to you. The next thing you are in an unfamiliar territory, with nothing on you. You're covered in dust and don't remember how you got there. To say the least, you look like a drunkard. My friend, you have been drugged. Welcome to Nairobi mbaya.
There are so many ways these cons have invented to get their daily bread. They are always one step ahead of us. The best you can do is pray for your safety, walk like you got a purpose, avoid the notoriously dangerous parts of Nairobi. If someone needs directions, stay as far as possible and point them towards the nearest security personnel. If someone abruptly asks to shake your hand, run like never before. Call me mad but if I do not know you, please don't come too close. It's not you it's the Nairobi fever.
Merry Chistmas!
